Chomping at the bit

Two weeks tomorrow I go in for my baseline ultrasound. As long as my lining isn't too thick we will count that day as cycle day 3 and start taking fertility medication. Why call it cycle day 3? Historically doctors would wait for you to have a menstrual cycle and then start you on fertility medication on either cycle day 3 or 5 depending on their preference (cycle day is the first day of your period). Calling it cycle day 3 makes is easier math-wise to date everything else.

For women who don't ovulate like me, and therefore get cycles very rarely a lot of doctors will induce a period using progesterone before starting medication, however my doctor says that is not needed as long as your lining is not prohibitively thick. It's a bit controversial, but I am trusting my doc on this one.

If my lining is too thick then I will need to induce a period, that usually takes about a week or so. I don't mind it too much, expect taking the progesterone makes me really sleepy and feel icky. I guess I shouldn't complain though, if I ever get pregnant that is probably what I will feel like all the time since pregnancy causes a huge increase in progesterone. 

I wish wish wish that I could start right away! Mr. Chickadee and I had to put a hault on this whole thing in early January when we decided that I was going to have hand surgery because I needed to wait until I would be eligible for an FMLA again by my due date. As it is we are cutting it a little close in case I do get pregnant and have to go out early... but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. 

In the meantime I am nearly constantly consumed with thoughts of what if. What if it works, what if it doesn't, what is NOTHING works, what if we are bankrupted by trying only to end up bitter and childless forever,  what if it works and then I miscarry (which is fairly likely with PCOS compared with other women), what if it works and I get preclampsia and have to go out of work when I am 5 months pregnant and I lose my job and then we lose our house and then I get deported back to Canada. Yup... reasonable concerns.