Uncertainty

I went to an infertility forum tonight in my town. There were 7 local western medicine professionals that gave a short presentation each and then afterward some local alternative medicine professional gave complimentary sessions. Some of it was redundant for me (get an Hsg, yup done, get a semen analysis, yup done, take omega 3, yup etc) but parts of it were helpful. 

One thing was that it made me realize that I probably should get involved with my local resolve chapter. It was nice to see so many other couples there, and know that I was not alone. I found myself wanting to ask them questions and talk to them, but I was too shy and it's too personal a subject. I think it would be helpful for me to have a place where I can meet other women and talk about what we are all going through. For a while I thought I hadn't been TTC long enough, but I am past that point now of being judged as not "infertile enough" for a group like that. 

A reproductive endocrinologist was there and he spoke up and for a couple minutes talked about how one of the major sources of stress for couples who are struggling with infertility is the uncertainty that accompanies it and I couldn't agree more with that. When you first start TTC you are uncertain if you have a problem, then you are uncertain what the problem is, then uncertain if one treatment will work, uncertain if you are ever going to become a parent.
He went on to talk about how people can deal with uncertainty for a short amount of time (like here in New England when they were searching for a bombing suspect loose in a nearby town) but people can only take so much of it. 

This really resonated with me, I feel so uncertain all the time and like all these circumstances are beyond my control. I don't know how many interventions I am going to have to do or if any of them will work and that is what makes this so hard. It's nice to know that I am not the only one who feels that way.