How to behave around your infertile friend

I realize as I write this that really all I am saying is how I prefer people to act around me, but it may be different for everyone. The words that make me want to punch you in the face, may give someone else comfort, but I think a lot of people who struggle with infertility have similar triggers. 

Please don't:
- Make jokes about your own super human fertility powers

- Offer insight on how tiring motherhood is, or offer to give away your children. We all know that you love your children and think they are worth the work, don't imply that someone might not be up to the task. 

- Say cliche's about how everything happens for a reason or children come when they are ready. I have a medical problem where I don't ovulate. Children will happen when we can figure out how to make my ovaries work. Just like cancer is (hopefully) cured when they resect a tumor or figure out the right dose of drugs for you.  

- Tell me to relax. Or tell me about how Monica from Friends got pregnant after she decided to adopt. Everyone has a story about someone who stopped trying and got pregnant. Here's the thing about that; almost no one is completely infertile unless they have no uterus and their partner has zero sperm. Most of us are actually subfertile, and spontaneous pregnancy is possible but does not occur within a reasonable time frame naturally. Most of those women who got pregnant naturally did so after many many years of trying. Don't minimize their struggle by saying they were too stressed and that was why they didn't get pregnant. I feel shitty enough about the fact that I can't get pregnant, and yes that leads to stress, I don't need further stress by you telling me it's all my fault.

Please do:
- Listen when someone with infertility is sharing their story with you. It's a deeply painful and personal thing they are describing, and listening is a way of showing respect. 

- Be willing to tolerate a little extra bit of crazy. This whole thing is really hard and leads to a lot of stress and the fertility meds can make you wacky.